Funny saturday facebook statuses

Funny saturday facebook status updates

1. Ahhhhh Saturday, how i LOVE you !!

2. Oh Saturday, sweet Saturday ! You are like a cheap hooker at a spedd dating party, you start off nice andshow then BAM !! you have come and gone !

3. Just realized SATURDAY has the word TURD in it

Humor facebook statuses

Humor facebook status updates

1. I used to belive in things like Fate and Destiny...then I realized those are just stripper names !

2. If the "3 pencil is the most popular, why isnt it #1 ?

3. If you were alone with me in the woods and I had a gun would u trust me?

Funny jokes for facebook statuses

Funny jokes for facebook status update

1. Elephant asks the Camel "Why are your b*obs on your back?", Camel replies "OH! That's a great one, coming from the guy with his willy on his face"!!!

2.  5 facts: 1. your on Facebook 2. you think thats a dumb fack 4. you didnt notice i skipped 3 5. your looking back to check 6. your laughing

3. We both loved the trash, I loved you, you loved yourself

Funniest facebook status

Funniest facebook statuses

1. ME?! NORMAL?! How dare you insult me like that !

2. This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, secounds dog! READ THIS WITHOUT ALL THE DOGS NOW

3. Really? How does paper beat rock ? OK go stand in front of me and hold up a piece of papre as I throw my rock.

Life funny facebook status

Life funny facebook statuses

1. Life is so simple, just eat, drink and change your facebook status

2. On the journey of life there are many paths to choose, I choose the psychopath.

3. Based on my current rate of income, I estimate a comfortable retirement about 200 years after my death.

School funny facebook status

School facebook statuses

1. That awkward moment when you finish your test early and you dont know want to be the first one to handit in so you wait for someone else to do it first lol

2. In your bed, its 6AM, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, its 7:45. At school, its 1:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, its 1:30, wtf ??

3. I finally finished school, and wrote a short speech to celebrate: Good-bye homework, good-bye class, good-bye high school, you can kiss my...never mind.

Blonde jokes Funny facebook status

Blonde jokes Funny facebook status updates

1.A blond got kicked out of a grocery store because she kept complaining that all the bananas where bent.

2. A robber stole a blonds televiosion. The blonde chased after the robber and shouted ˝Wait! You forgot the remote!˝

3. Only a true blond can trip over flat surfaces like me :)

Most popular funny facebook status

Most popular funny facebook statuses updates

1. Needs a Facebook button that says ˝What you just posted makes me want to punch you in the face.˝ Put it beside the Like button. Just a suggestion.

2. In case of emergeny, exits can be located at the log out, delete, deactivate, hide and block features. Thank you for flying with Facebook.

3. Everything happens for a reason. Whether we like it or not. The bad things only happen to make us appreciate the good things.

Attitude funny facebook status

Attitude facebook statuses

1. Dont you just love those three little words? Three words every woman should hear every day: You are right, honey!

2. Hes anyone elses child lost some attitude, because mine seems to have rather a lot right now !

3. My momma used to always tell me : Dont get mad...get even. But be sneaky about it.

Funny age facebook status

Funny statuses about age

1. Every time i party like I'm 20 my body reminds me I'm not!

2. A beautiful message about growing old: Well crap, now I forgot what it was.

3. I thought you said this was an oldies station? This song was a hit when I was...Oh no. Noo noooo. Nope. No SIR. Noooope. Nope. Nuh-uh.

Funny Advice facebook status

Funny Advice facebook statuses

1. The only people you need in your life, are those who want you in theris. Never make someone a priority, if they only see you as an option

2. Never rush into falling in love, because love never runs out; Let love be the one to knock at your door. Besides, true love is worth waiting for.

3.  After every goodbye, theres a new hello.

4. Dont trust too much, dont love too much, dont care too much because that too much will hurt you so much.

5. Tip of the day... Dont be a douche !!

Sarcastic funny facebook statuses

Sarcastic funny facebook status

1. Every time I enter a room, I check to see if my family is getting ready to spring an intervention on me. This is normal, right ?

2. My attitude is up to you. If you ignore me, Ill ignore you, if you give me attitude, Ill give you attitude, if you screw me over, Ill f*ck your word up.

3. Is sure that at a certain point, you are going to need to come to terms with your retardation.

4.  ( . Y . ) you have now been flashed

5. Thinks getting out of bed this morning was harder than Michael Jackoson in a school playground

Adult humor funny facebook status

Adult humour funny facebook status

1. ...Going to bed.. and having a four some tonight. Bed, Pillow, comforter and myself to make mad passionate, mind blowing and earth shattering sleep

2. When life hands you lemons, just be glad it wasnt herpes

3. 2 blondes came across a set of tracks. One thinks it's deer tracks, the other moose tracks. They were still arguing about it when the train hit them.

4. When I was a kid I used to..no wait I still do that

5. say "Addicted" after every thing i say, alcohol..drugs..smoking.. what hit you in the mouth last night?.. addicted

Good morning funny facebook status

Good morning facebook status

1. Three of the most powerful words you can say to a women.. Good Morning Beauthiful.

2. Gets a kick out of turning up the tunes on the morning drive, playing the drums on my steering wheel and watching the strange looks I get. Its great!

3. Morning my Facebook friends. Ima up and in a wicked mood! So for all those of you who have to put up with me today(YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED) ahahah love ya xaxa

4. Good Morning, hope everyone has a great day and a wonderful great big cup of coffee to go with it.

5. Morning everybody, hope you all have a awsome day **HUGS**

Good status for facebook

1. I know at times Im stupid, do silly things, am totally wierd and completely unpredictable, but at least IM not fake and Im a damn good person! LOVE 2 B MYSELF :)

2. Needs to get off Facebook and put her face in a book!

3. Is off to that wonderful place where Iam rich and skinny and people dont piss me off :)

4. Be silent in two situations: When U feel one cant understand Ur felings from your words and when one can understand you without any words.

Funny radnom facebook statuses

1. It takes a lot to be my ˝once upon a time˝ but it takes even more if you want be my ˝happily ever after˝

2. One thing that can never be recycled is wasted time...

Funny Goodnight Facebook Status

Funny Goodnight Facebook Statuses

1. Think Im going to change my orientation from portrait to ladscape. Night everyone!

2. Starlight star bright. 1st start I see tonight, I wish I may I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight. I wish all my FB friends & family a peaceful night.

3. <<<< This princess is off to bed. Gnite peeps. MUAHHH

4. Good night Facebook friends, when you all finally close your eyes for the night, may you all have sweet dreams...An when you awake, May they all come true

Love Facebook status

Love Facebook statuses

1. Be silent in two situations: When U feel one cant understand Ur feelings from your words n when one can understand u without any words.

2. It takes a lot to be my ˝once upon a time˝ but it takes even more if you want to be my ˝happily ever after˝