Funny status updates for facebook

1.Friends are of two types:

One says - If you ever need anything, I will be there.
Other says : You will never need anything as long as I am there

2. What did the egg say to the Boiling water?...Im sorry..its gonna take me a while to get hard. I just got laid by some chick.

3. Every guy thinks that every girls dream is to find the perfect guy...Bullshit! every girls dream is to eat without getting fat !!