Friday, September 28, 2012

Funny Justin Bieber facebook status

Funny Justin Bieber facebook status updates

If girls sing like girls and boys sing like boys then whats Justin Bieber
Chuck Norris once scared a girl so bad that he is still screaming today! his name... Justin Bieber. ;]
(makes my mom listen to justin beiber)ME: hey mom do u think this is a girl or a boy singing MOM:a girl y..ME:haha it justin beiber..i love my mom
People stop saying Justin Bieber is g*y cause you have to be a guy to be g*y!!! Like if you get
TEACHER:how do u spell g*y? KID:J-U-S-T-I-N-B-I-E-B-E-R! TEACHER:WRONG! TEACHER:u have to be a guy to be g*y!

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Animals funny facebook status updates

says if I had an animal spirit, I would be a bear. Looks big and cuddly and harmless. But, tick me off & I will rip your face off.
You know whats better than a Unicorn? A Rainbow Unicorn Know whats better than a Rainbow Unicorn? A Rainbow NINJA Unicorn
Birdie Birdie in the sky, made a poopy in my eye. Me no frown, me no cry. Me just happy cows can't fly !(:
Is wondering HOW did donkey get dragon pregnant?
When dogs leap onto your bed, it's because they adore being with you. When cats leap onto your bed, it's because they adore your bed.

Funny ,bored ,jokes ,wonder facebook status updates

When I die I will put in my will that the person who comes to my funeral dressed as the grim reaper and stays completely silent will get all my money. :)
did u know "Dammit, I'm mad" spelt backwards is "Dammit, I'm mad" :D
one a scale of 1- 10 I give this day the finger
Has anyone ever noticed lol looks like a stick man drowning? So next time you say lol you are killing another stick man... Just sayin :)
wonders how many of the $1 bills in my wallet have been in a stripper's ass crack?

Very funny facebook statuses

I'M NOT CLUMSY! I thought the floor was lonely, so i gave it a hug!
Have u ever noticed the automatic flush sensors on toilets look an awful lot like hidden cameras? Makes u wonder huh?
anyone can join in ! I'm gonna start a story.. Once upon a time there was...
yesterday someone threw a happy meal at me and said "I'm loving it" So i ran over with a car and said"Nation Wide is on your side"
I don't NEED a brain!!! I have a little thing called Google! :D

Harry Potter facebook statuses

Hogwarts Rules: 26- I will not tell Oliver Wood that Quidditch as been permanently canceled.
Rule of Hogwarts 601- I will not bewitch my car and see what happens when snape catches me freeing the house elves in the kitchens
Hogwarts Rules: 15- I will not ask for advice from Fred and/or George on how to wreak havoc either.
You know you are a Harry Potter geek when you and your grandkids are in the yard using tree branches as wands pointing them at each other yelling "Stupefy."
I'm the kind of person that goes to the zoo and looks at the owls and says "You had my Hogwarts letter, didn't you.."

Happy Facebook Statuses

Live 4 today, 4 this moment, bc 2morrow isnt promised. If it makes you happy right now, go 4 it. Looking back, u wont regret what u did do, but what u didnt <3
Things are finally starting to look up, things are better than they were, and I can honestly say I'm happy again. It feels good :)
You have ONE life. Your expiry date might come early or late. So don't waste time. Live your life and live it well and full. LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE!
I love the ones who are in my life and you guys make it truly amazing. I also love the ones who left my life thank you made it fantastic just by leaving :)
I am perfect in my imperfections, secure in my insecurities, happy in my pain, strong in my weaknesses, and beautiful in my own way...I am "myself".

Gibberish facebook status

is stimulated by crusty pickles
wastes his allowance on your mamma's vampires
just completed his first poem about aperiodic toe jam
isn't exactly hot on furry ukeleles
is carefully crafting hypothetical shot glasses

Friendship-love facebook statuses

A good friend is gonna tell you to forget the people who hurt you. A best-friend will be right beside you, swinging a bat saying, "Someone's gonna get it.."
People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But, people will not forget how you made them feel.~Maya Angelou~
my best friends may not be related to me by blood but they are my family
Falling in love isn't about finding the perfect person... it's finding the person whose imperfections make them perfect!
If I could live life all over again, I wouldn't do one single thing different, not one. Because if I did, I might never have met you. :)

Friendship-hurt facebook statuses

I'm actually glad you treated me like crap. Because, now, I realize, you were meant to be in my life for only a short amount of time. And I've gotten stronger.
Friendship is like glass,if you drop it it shatters and breaks. And even if you do glue the pieces back together the damage has been done
You'll push me away and break my heart, but the sad thing is, I'll always be here for you when you need me or if someone breaks your heart!
suddenly realized that all those people I thought of as friends don't consider me to be anything more than an acquaintance.
Why is it that whenever I am at my lowest point and really need a friend, everyone either picks a fight with me or turns their back and totally ignores me.

Friendship facebook status

Sometimes people are nothing ..you make them something..&when they become something...they feel you are nothing.
With me, you know what you are getting. I don't hide my feelings behind others. I may be hard to deal with, but I'm certainly honest about it & u never wonder.
Don't be afraid of what people think. Be afraid of loosing the people who care. Because, in the end. They will be the ones who are left!<3
They're cool, they're funny, silly and sweet. You know who I'm talking about well its my friends. To all my friends enjoy life and keep doing what u do best
its not who's real to your face. Its about who stays real behind your back

Ex-boyfriend facebook statuses updates

1. Why, do your exes always come back when your finally happy? but it's really nice when they beg for you back ;P

2. I bought a fish, named it after my ex boyfriend and flushed it down the toilet. Its really the little things in life.

3. Do ex-husband's have some sort of radar or magical ability to know when their ex is having a good day - so they can ruin it for them? I think mine must. :(

4. you'll never realize the value of what you have, until what you have is no longer yours.

5. The wrong person walked out of my life, and the right person walked in.

Encouragement facebook status

Encouragement facebook statuses

1. Live4the ones thatLive4U, 4get about those that 4got about u,Life moves on without a rewind button,don't regret a thing,simply learn from things you wish2change

2. I'd rather try and fail, than to have never tried at all. Doing nothing, always brings the same results - failure by forfeit.

3. If looking backwards is painful, and looking forward is scary, just remember that God will always be there to walk beside you.

4. Life is short, remember who you were, know who you are, and believe in who you will become!

5. You must never limit your challenges...instead you must challenge your limits!!!

Funny Statuses about Facebook

Funny Status about Facebook

1. I truly believe that Facebook should change it's status question from 'What's on your mind?' to 'What's your problem today?'

2. If you had to choose a song to describe me what would it be and why? Leave your answers below please!!

3. Facebook's kinda like prison, huh? Sitting all alone in a room, writing on a wall, getting poked by strangers all the time. ;)

4. With all these FACEBOOK POKES, I'm starting to feel violated. Please make sure you are well protected against FACEBOOK STD's. Be safe, wear a finger c*ndom!

5. there's no need to watch soap operas anymore, we have Facebook. Like Sands through the hourglass, these are the Posts of our Lives

Family facebook statuses

1. I am truly a nice person, ask anyone who really knows me, Its just people like you invoke the bitch in me. I simply wont stand for your bullshit!

2. A family can be anything: biological, step or adoption, and a family is not just blood, it's about love ♥

3. When you see a family member struggling, don't just sit around to see what happens. Lend a helping hand and be there to support them.

4. our family may not have it all together BUT together we have it all. <3

5. It takes A LOT to push me over the edge. But messing with my family will do it every time.

Faith facebook status

Faith facebook statuses

1. Sometimes unanswered prayers are the best. You never know what God has in store for you. Keep praying, you never know where God will lead you.

2. When I have done my best, God will take care of the rest cause when the devil starts messing God starts blessing.

3. I love humor. When I die I don't want a normal tombstone. I want a parking meter that says "Time Expired" and a sign that says "vacationing, back soon.

4. this week I'll do what is "Possible" and leave everything "Impossible" to GOD!

5. Faith and determination are the first steps to your hopes and dreams coming true:)

Funny FB status

1. Why do the DQ lips have a man's voice? What, does DQ really stand for Drag Queen?

2. I know what every ones bathroom looks like because of Facebook

3. If you saw me smiling and giggling for no reason that you know of ...would you be scared or curious?

4. We all know mirrors don't lie...let's be thankful they also don't laugh!!

5. warns you, don't ever think you've won an argument because i quit talking.. i just stopped arguing out loud!

Drinking facebook status

1. Bud Light: $2.00. Crown Black Label: $60.00. Riding in town on a horse @ 5;30 in the morning: What a Great night. Finding out you don't own a horse: Priceless!

2. Women are the only people who can go out broke and come home drunk.

3. was only drunk last night coz he fell in a bucket of vodka.....it was either drink or drown!!

4. When they say "drink responsibly" what they really mean is don't fuckin spill it.

5. Noo offisirr, I'm not slurrring my wordz. I'm talkin' in cursiff. ;)

Drama Facebook statuses

1. why is it OK for a man to talk to a woman but it is not OK for a woman to talk to a man without being accused of dating them!!

2. It takes the smarter bigger person to brush off the drama and walk away. It takes the psycho bitch with a small brain to give in and talk shit

3. Drama n chaos will come n go, but those who stand beside u regardless of ur decisions, those r the ones u consider family. U don't have 2 be blood 2 be family!

4. keep my name out of your mouth unless you think you can handle the taste.

5. People who start drama on Facebook, have what I like to call, "courage behind the keyboard" Face to Face, they would be a p*ssy!

Depression Facebook statuses

1. You want an honest answer, OK then. I'm not OK, i haven't been for a long time. As a matter of fact I want nothing more than, even on good days, to end my life.

2. Why does it seem as though just when things start going good in your life, the bottom always drops out from underneath you?

3. Just when you think you are forgetting, all the memories come floating back to your head and you fall again. Only this time you realize you can't get back up.

4. Although i may seem fine on the outside, no-one really sees the true tears and pain behind this mask of happiness

5. feels like there is just no point in living anymore :( I'm always there for everyone ... but now I'm on the edge and STILL no ones there for me. :(

The best facebook status

The best facebook statuses

1. Even if you live your life as an open book people will still wonder which pages have secret messages.

2. you know you have a best friend when you say "remember that day" and you both burst out laughing and people call you crazy

3. would like to remind you... drunk words are just sober thoughts..

4. Here's to the people who love me , the people that have lost me and the lucky people who have yet to meet my crazy a$$!!! Have a gr8 day

5. my needs are simple... all I want is everything

Crush Facebook statuses

1. Open your eyes and embrace his instead of keeping his waiting, you never know who might come along and do what you failed too and win his over ;)

2. No one is afraid to say "I love you" they are just afraid of the reaction they will get <3

3. If only you could see yourself through my eyes, hear how much I talk about you with my friends, then maybe you would notice exactly how much I like you

4. There is a story behind every smile.. and your my favorite chapter :)

5. You see these spaces between my fingers? I noticed you have some too. Yours and mine fit together, like puzzle pieces.

Country girl Facebook statuses

1. just because i have a High Heel obsession doesn't mean I'm not country. it just means i can be stylish and kick your butt in heels at the same time

2. screw a prince in shining armor, give me a country boy who has ripped wranglers and muddy boots! :) COWGIRL UP

3. Forget the snobby city-slicker with a fancy car, just give me a down home country-boy with a souped up dodge that really knows how to treat a girl&I'll be fine

4. us country girls we like a guy who can ride a bull rope and look good in wranglers

5. A girl that would rather go sit with a gun in hand 30 feet up in a tree watching for deer than go to the mall looking for a purse is a Country girl(:

Coffee Facebook statuses

1. I'm going to bed.. you all can rest easy for a while... my evil plot for world dominance will resume upon the consumption of my morning's first cup of coffee ..

2. Going over to a friends farm on famville to see if he has any coffee on...if not I think I will pluck his chickens :)

3. it's official: I am a coffee s*ut!

4. WARNING: I cannot be held responsible for the things I say or do before the caffeine has fully made it to my blood stream.

5. Initializing all systems... Loading... Loading... Checking caffeine intake... Fatal error 32: caffeine levels too low! Main processor shutting down...

Christian Facebook statuses

1. When the storms in your life come... ALWAYS REMEMBER, that JESUS is walking towards them and not away!

2. Hey! It's not like God asked you to climb up on a Cross and die for Him. He is only asking you to listen to Him and go His ways and not YOURS!

3. My greatest test will turn into my greatest testimony. If God brought you to it, he will get you through it.

4. I can tell my friend anything and know there won't be gossip, I can ask for anything and know it will be taken care of, Jesus Christ my devoted friend.

5. Sometimes, if you have a bad day, it just means God has something better in store for the future.

Funniest Facebook status ever

1. When you're stressed, eat ice cream, cake, cookies, candy, and anything sweet! Why? Because 'stressed' spelled backwards is ... DESSERTS !!

2.I may be loud, weird and annoying sometimes; I may not have the perfect figure or look the hottest, but I'm ME and that's more than I can say for SOME people!

3. does have a serious side you know. I keep it out there on the back porch in a cage and feed it crackers.

4. If I'm ever on a bad date I'm going to stand up and say " I'm an actor, there all actors. Those are hidden cameras, Your on MT V's Disaster Date!" And run out.

5. You're not truly living if you're sanity's not being challenged on a regular basis.

Top funny facebook status

1. thinks way too many people have been drinking from the Fountain of Stupid.

2. I got 99 chores but I ain't done 1 ~ Lay Z

3. Go away, bad mood. I didn't invite you into my world today.

4. Live, Laugh, Love. If that doesn't work, Raise, Aim and Fire.

5. Two most honest people in this world : drunk people and little kids.

Love status for facebook

1. I don't give a shit anymore, think what you think, believe what you want, but remember I cared when no one else did.

2. I say i don't love you. I say i don't care. But every time i see you, i cant help but stare :) <3

3. we talk for hours, and i don't get sick of u. And the moment you tell me you have to go, i don't want to...but i sigh and say OK anyway.

4. When I look into the eyes looking back at me, I feel whole & I know I have the most wonderful man in the world. I Love You

5. Your voice melts my heart. Your smile gives me butterflies.Your laugh makes me smile. Your hugs make me feel safe. Your kisses make sparks fly. I <3 u

Facebook status quotes

1. Here are 1000 hugs...take 1 now... put the other 999 under your pillow and whenever you need one, feel free to take 1... Just remember, it's from me.

2. When the world says "Give up," Hope whispers, "try it one more time."

3. I'd rather have a moment of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special. -Steel Magnolias

4. A bottle of wine contains more philosophy than all the books in the world

5. Love is patient, love is kind. It doesnt envy, doesnt boast, isnt proud. It isnt rude, its not self-seeking, it isnt easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong

Best facebook status ever

1. ~ be yourself, don't change 4 anyone ... if they don't like you at your worst, then they don't deserve you at your best !!

2. ...Always listen to your heart...it's on your left side..but it's always right!

3. I regret nothing in my life. Even if my past was full of hurt, I still look back and smile, because my past made me who I am today and made me stronger :)

4. When your surrounded by idiots, just remember, murder is illegal and sarcasm is way more satisfying.

5. Life's too short to wake up with regrets. Love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason.

Awesome facebook status

1. Hey guess what?! Wait, you don't wanna know...oh, you do? I'm not gonna tell you! OK. here it is... I'M S*XY AND I KNOW IT wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle ya

2. Is so awesome, Chuck Norris wears a shirt with my face on it.

3. Answer this if you think you know me!! My Full Name; My D.O.B: I Love; My Favourite Colour: Where i live;

4. That moment when you find money in your pants pocket and your like YES!

5. undeniably- awesome

Most liked funny facebook status

1.Well, you're just about as useful as a broken pogo-stick.

2. Some relationships are like tom and Jerry... they irritate each other... they tease each other.. but they still can't live without each other!

3. The 3 C's of life: choices, chances and changes ~ You must make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change.

Funny Facebook Status Messages

1. I'll be honest for 24 hours! MSG me any question you'd like! :P

2. Sometimes God sends us messages in ways we least expect.

3. life is like a Rubik's cube... sometimes ya gotta mess it up to make it better.

4. On ur cell go 2 new message, put it on T9 mode (won't work on keyboard must use the # pad), then cover ur screen & type in 4156831968, then look @ the screen <3

5. The feeling you get when you receive a message out of the blue that makes you smile :-)

Funny Quotes for Facebook status

1. Try saying the letter 'M' with out ur your lips not touching'. Click LiKe if you tried. LOL LOL

2. Just for the record: My "give a damn" is busted. However, my "go F••• yourself" is fully functional. Any questions??

3. If McDonald's sold hot dogs, could you order a McWeiner with a straight face and tell them to super size it?

4. When playing rock paper scissors, tell everyone your water, cause you can rust scissors, squish paper, and drown the rock lol I WIN

5. Go ahead and put what your cooking for dinner on your status so I can decide which home to invade! ;)

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Funny things to say on facebook status

1. Why are married women fatter then single women ? Single women come home, look in the fridge, then go to bed. Married women look in the bed, then go to the fridge.

2. I dont hate you but just say if you were on fire and i had a cup of water ill drink it.

3. Here's to nipples! *raise drink* 'cause without them, titties would be pointless :D

Funny Facebook status ideas

1. Dear Boyfriend, I have taken your wallet out for a walk in the mall because it needed some excercise as it is quite fat. It has already lost a few pounds. Love ya

2. If the government starts taking anymore money out of my paycheck Im gonna have to start listing them as a dependent !

3. My only trick for looking younger is when an 80s song comes on I try to look completley confused and slightly disgusted.

Crazy Funny Insane Facebook statuses

Crazy Funny Insane Facebook status updates

1. Is in white room with soft walls. The nice people even gave me a new jasket, but for some reason they put it on backwards.

2. Smile. It confuses the enemy

3. When I think about the people I hang out with, I start to worry about myself.

Random Funny Facebook status

Random Funny Facebook statuses

1. Do you wat to make money from Facebook ? Its easy. Just go to your Account Settings, Deactivate your account, and Go To Work !

2. Police officier: ˝Didnt you see the arrows ?˝ Guy in car: ˝I didnt even see the Indians˝

3. Welcomes you to his profile. Straight jackets are by the start menu, a fully stocked bar by the task bar, snaks by the address bar. Enjoy your stay.