Funny things to say on facebook status

1. Why are married women fatter then single women ? Single women come home, look in the fridge, then go to bed. Married women look in the bed, then go to the fridge.

2. I dont hate you but just say if you were on fire and i had a cup of water ill drink it.

3. Here's to nipples! *raise drink* 'cause without them, titties would be pointless :D

4. TIP OF THE DAY: If you can't afford porn, just turn on tennis and shut your eyes.

5. I didn't say you were stupid, I said you had bad luck when you tried to think

6. I sometimes look at my family and friends and think how lucky they are to have me in their lives...

7. I think we should start slapping the parents who are to scared to spank their kids.

8. Jack Daniels, helping ugly people get laid since 1869!