Christmas funny facebook status updates

1. Dear Santa, If you promise to be nice and give me everything on my list, I promise to give you the antidote to those poison cookies you just ate. Thank you :)

2. Christmas is when you try to get the whole dysfunctional family under the one roof and hope there wont be police involved

3. For all you FB friends who dont like my comments or status messages, I bought you a gift...it is that mistletoe that I put above my ass !

4. The gift card, the polite way to say heres $20 go get your own damn gift

5. Question: What was the worst thing you have ever re-gifted ? Answer : My ex-husband

6. Dear Santa, I have been good all year. I have been mostly good most of the year. F*ck it, Ill buy my own shit !!

7. I have already started activities to get me on Santas naughty list for next year.

8. Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the yard is still delightful, but there is 1 thing that u should know, dont eat Yellow snow, Yellow snow ,Yellow snow