Humor facebook status updates

1. I used to belive in things like Fate and Destiny...then I realized those are just stripper names !

2. If the "3 pencil is the most popular, why isnt it #1 ?

3. If you were alone with me in the woods and I had a gun would u trust me?

4. Son: I almost went to jail today..I was so scared ! Mother : Oh my God ! What did you do ?
Son: Those monopoly games get pretty intense.

5. Dear iPhone, I hate when you turn my swear words into nice words. You piece of s*it. ;)

6. One day...I will make the onions cry